I'm sorry but I can't eat that
I'm sorry I can't drink
I'm sorry but I have to go to the gym
I'm sorry I have to go to bed early
I'm sorry but there's cardio to be done
I'm sorry but I have to work
I'm sorry but I banned myself from fast food
I'm sorry but I have to wake up early
I'm sorry but I need to focus
I'm sorry, today is my off day
I'm sorry but I need to write
I'm sorry I can't eat out
I'm sorry but I can't party yet
I'm sorry but this is my dream
I'm sorry now...but when you see what I dreamed of in my mind...you will understand
IT’S BEEN so long since I last wrote something here. Since finishing my #100w100d project last December, I was hoping to take a quick step back and look at where I should proceed from there.
I gave myself a few weeks off to jot down everything I would want to do this year, but what was shown before me at the end of the process was intimidating and daunting. It’s one thing to take up a good challenge so I can grow, but I fear — and I always fear — that my ability can’t surmount to my insatiable ambition. As hungry as I may be to grow, I was also nervous that committing to myself would mean biting off more than I can chew.
Day 100: We’ve finally reached the finish line for this 100 words for 100 days project. With exactly 10,000 words, this has been an exercise of endurance as well as a way to fine tune my writing. 100 days doesn’t seem like a long time until you’re twenty days in and your insecurity begin to set in: What if you run out of things to write about? What if your writing sucks? What if this become yet another abandoned project?
Yet none of that mattered because here we are. Everything is done and gone, and the only question is: what’s next?
Day 99: Lesbians have a bad rep. As easy as it may be to make softball or Home Depot jokes, there isn’t a stronger community than these unsung heroes. While others may call them “tomboys”, I see them as defying gender roles and stereotypes. From Ellen to Allison Goldfrapp, I’ve been shaped and deeply inspired by their tenacity and endurance.
It’s silly how gay men and lesbians can sometimes be seen as on opposite sides when we’re always fighting the same fight and we’re so much alike. They are the epitome of cool and fierce and I wouldn’t dare of crossing them.
Day 98: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry: life is great when you get to do all three in a day. A day like today.
Starting with having brunch with my lifelong friend and mentor Bruce, to bumping into my old colleague Matt, to grabbing a drink with fellow IGNer Tate, to rounding out the night with dinner and desserts with my high school friends, I’m still baffled by just how many amazing people I have in my life.
I met each of them in wildly different ways, but purely through happenstance they all came together to create this blissful, perfect day. Wow.
Day 97: Earlier this week I reached out to a great guy I used to date, the one that got away, and we finally got together today as if nothing happened. We talked and talked, drank and drank, and everything just felt so… easy.
Sometimes a hatchet isn’t really a hatchet but a grip that you simply need to let go of. Yes, things happened in the past, but at the end of the day I’m just happy I’ve decided to reach out to an otherwise someone I’ve lost touch with. He’s such a genuine guy and I’m smitten as can be.
Day 96: My friends and I went to this restaurant tonight that’s going to be closed by end of year, and through plates of tapas and glasses of Sangria I tried to soak in the atmosphere as much as I could — before it’s gone away for good.
There’s just… something about San Francisco. I’m at this strange crossroad where I no longer feel at home, yet everything is strangely familiar. Not unlike a lucid dream where everything seems so real, yet you’re fully aware that it’s but a dream; you’ll eventually need to wake up.
Oh it’s what you do to me