Video: E3 2011 Impressions

Click here for the full transcript

Microsoft started off E3 this year by focusing on their motion-recognition device Kinect. They stressed on how fun it is to navigate through menus and construct weapons entirely by body motion. Really, Microsoft, how fun it is? Instead of pressing a single button I now have to wave my arms and yell the way I do with automated telephone support just to get anything done. REPRESENTATIVE!

Speaking of getting all riled up, did anyone see their kinect football demo? It was singlehandedly the gayest experience I have ever seen. “Hey bro, get behind me and catch my ball.” Oh yeah, cause nothing says we’re having fun like two guys fake running around the room and getting behind one another for the hut. That’s not football, that’s a gay pride parade for two.

Was anyone creeped out by all the kid actors on stage? There was actually a point in the presentation where I wondered if the presenters were being paid to babysit. They say kids say the darnest things, but I’m pretty sure these kids were secretly rolling their eyes when they were forced to mutter things like “Woohoo Bro” and “Fist Bump!”

At the Sony conference, they unveiled the Playstation Vita: it’s basically a revised wifi or 3G enabled psp with better graphics,  front and back cameras and touch screens. Though, They didn’t really explain the point of having a touchpad on the back of the device, but they really should because until then all I see is a worthless shitty reach around. And no one deserves that.

Nintendo made a debut of their new console by not disclosing anything about it but instead showed compiled footages from the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. That’s like how someone showing me pictures of her grandchildren, except did I say grandchildren? I really meant the fake pictures that came with wallet itself.

Nintendo did, however, unveiled a controller for the new console that looks and acts just like the ipad, but doesn’t allow consumers to actually take the device outside the house. It’s like the iPad under Lindsay Logan house arrest: you can take it outside if you want, but it really doesn’t do anything and people wouldn’t talk to you because you’re crazy.

The new console is named Wii U. I’m still not sure if it’s a wordplay of “Wii 2” but right now it just sounds stupid. Notice that I’m specifically not using the word gay or retarded because I’m pretty sure gay or retarded people wouldn’t name anything “Wii U”. That’s how illogical it is.

Guys, I know you guys are threatened by what iPhone, iPad and what apple can do in general, but can you at least make it a bit of a fight? Right now Apple is winning because gaming fell on its lap. They didn’t really do anything to get in that space, and right now you’re all freaking out and duck taping shit together for no reason.

Just because you can doesn’t always mean you should, because at the end of the day, gaming just needs to be fun. It doesn’t need to be on the cutting edge, and it doesn’t need to go where it doesn’t need to be. Apple often updates its products on a periodic, gap filling way driven entirely by what customers want. They focus on solid integration and user experiences, in a way that consumers lives are made easier, instead of being confused by it.

All in all, this E3 was a slight bummer even though there were some great games coming up. I just wish Sony and nintendo can focus on delivering solid gaming experiences instead of constantly going for the bigger piece of the pie.

Thanks for watching this video and be sure to comment and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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