Truth, Pride, Freedom 🏳️‍🌈

Dear friend,

Hey there, how’s it going? June was Pride Month and I’ve been working my way toward coming out at work. I’ve been spending time this month writing out (to sort through my feelings) on why it’s been such a challenge for me to come out, even at a company like Apple, and through this process I learned just how much the past few years had impacted me in unexpected ways.

COVID pandemic aside (and what an aside!), between what happened in Hong Kong, and the surge in anti-Asian hate crimes / the lgbtq+ setbacks / the never-ending gun violence here in America, I’ve lost a real sense of safeness in the past few years. One after another, these news headlines have persistently and subconsciously added to my anxieties, stress, and general safety concerns. There was one day in particular during my run when I thought, “All it takes is one passerby shooting me, for whatever reason or none at all, and it’s all over.” I wasn’t scared by this thought, just sad that it wasn’t an unrealistic one in the world we live in these days.

There are more layers to this which I’ll spare you from reading here, but the main takeaway is that the truth just seem to matter less than our overall safety these days. So in some ways, not coming out was my way of self-preservation in order to avoid being a bigger target than necessary. If I can’t go to certain places, do certain things, or share certain thoughts without fearing for my professional or personal safety, then I might as well just opt out and disengage. But the opposite of this — this self-created invisibility and active choice to limit my connection with those around me can be equally cruel and isolating.

So with Pride Month fully in effect, I swapped out my regular Apple Watch band with a Pride-colored one, which offered opportunities in conversations where I can gradually open up to my coworkers about my identity. But more importantly, this watch band is a visual reminder for myself that I need to occupy my own space. Even when my sense of safeness is at an all time low, this pride watch band marks my personal protest that, however minuscule, that there exists an “other” in this room… and that this other is me.

Separately (and similarly), Juneteenth was also in June and for a while I wasn’t sure exactly how to participate or celebrate this holiday without appropriation, even as an ally. I was listening to KALW’s State of the Bay and the episode’s guest, Jonathan Greenberg, mentioned while Juneteenth is a Black holiday with context deeply rooted in Black American history, the act of “proclaiming freedom and independence” is very much for all American. Whereas July 4th is America’s celebration of our independence on a national level, Juneteenth should be a day to proclaim and celebrate our freedom on a more personal, human level. That is such a beautiful way to think about it, so even as June is coming to a close, I invite you to ponder if just for a moment — how do you proclaim your pride and independence?

• The photos I took this month 📸
• What’s worth remembering in June 2023 📔

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Love wins